Day 2...Cardiovascular Event

Well, I postponed Boomer Yoga in favor of a "brisk 30 minute walk".  What exactly is "brisk"?  I understand a "brisk day", a "brisk wind", but i really don't understand a brisk walk.  I think I start out brisk..head high, in the moment, pretending like this is not the first time in 3 years I have taken a brisk walk, but then things become decidedly less brisk.  My head is down so I can keep an eye on my feet, less they get tangled in the dog leash, a curb or each other.  I am no longer in THE moment, but 100% hanging on to the promise of the 30th minute when I am FINALLY done.  I am maintaining, however, that the glass is half full: 30 minutes...done
                           brisk....done (as well as can be expected)
                           oxygen tank....not needed
All in all, not too bad.

I looking over yesterday's post, I realized that some folks may think when I say "i'm terrified", that I am referring to the triathlon itself or the training process.  I'm not.  Though I'm pretty sure that will come.  I am terrified of changing how I eat.  Changing how I eat also means changing how I feel, how I cope, how I present myself to the world.  This is also day two of my sugar detox.  Yesterday I cut out about 75% of my typical sugar intake and today about 90% and tomorrow I'm planning on total withdrawal.  I will not be a happy person, nor will I be pleasant.  What do you put in your coffee to make it yummy?What do I do instead?  Seriously, what do I do instead of eating something sweet? I have never been willing to completely give up sugar unless someone offered me something, other than a drug, that worked just as well as comforting, sedating, energizing.  I have yet to find that something.

This picture was taken after we had left Northfield at 6:45am to get to a 8am appt downtown, only to find out we were there on the wrong day.  People often ask me, how can you tell when Patrick laughs?  This is how.

I know there are several of you out there screaming at your computer screen, "Exercise"!  The endorphins get going, and you know they are just as good as morphine, and before you know it you are feeling great and you will crave exercising just like you craved sugar.  Yeah, I don't think so.  I would not know an exercise induced endorphin if it landed on my head.  And I'm pretty sure I've never craved a brisk walk.  But this entire project is one gigantic leap of faith.  I'm not getting my hopes up on the endorphin rush or looking forward to a time when nothing could make me happier than a spin class followed by a carob coated almond.  But I'm taking the leap of faith that even without those organic moments, I will be happier, healthier and able to tell Patrick, "ye of little faith, smart ass".

I was just thinking that I'm sounding very cerebral about all of this, which is highly unusual for me.  The leap of faith is based on all the mountains of data that tell me I will be healthier and subsequently happier.  But if I'm truly honest, and for some reason I feel compelled to be, it is also about my spirit, my heart in the non anatomical sense.  I cannot do what I want to do and that really pisses me off.  I've been big for many years, but I've also been very active for many of those years and my size never limited me.  Now it does.  I went to Fiji two years ago and was not able to hike as long and as high as I wanted.  There was a natural rock slide that all the village kids were on but getting to the top was just too hard.  Totally and completely pissed me off.  I do not like to have anyone, or anything, including nature, say no to me.  So my soul is ready too.  Scared, nervous, terrified but ready.

What the fuck do you do when you can't eat cookies in bed at night?  The world is going to suffer the consequences.  I'm apologizing in advance!

ps...a great blog my cousin Kate writes...breatheandbewell.wordpress.com