Day 17....Ugh

Horrible day today.

First, Dunkin Donuts has installed a huge magnet on the face of their building which attaches itself to my car as I drive by.  Magnetic force is a very hard physical property to over come.  Or so it seems.  I did manage to make it past Dunkin Donuts and the beautiful Boston Cremes that were waiting there to soothe my frustrated soul, only to succumb to two cookies, Tombstone frozen pizza and a diet coke at my parents house tonight.

Really, just an all around horrible day.  The cookies helped for about three seconds, the pizza was a huge disappointment, the diet coke was DELICIOUS and my stomach hurts.  I think the fact that diet coke is bad for you is just as metaphysically unfair as tanning being bad for you.  Everyone looks better with a tan and everyone feels better with a diet coke.  How could those two things be so bad?

Don't worry, I am in no way, remotely giving up.  That is not an option.  All in all, the eating plan and workout plan have been going fine.  The other night I actually made fresh asparagus for a bedtime snack. Seriously.  Unheard of on so many levels...1) fresh asparagus being in my refrigerator in a recognizable, non-mushy state, 2) me cooking, and 3)  eating it as a bedtime snack!!!

Today just felt overwhelming, frustrating, sad...sometimes it feels like I'm wearing a coat that doesn't fit quite right.  And whatever is wrong with the fit, is not noticeable on the outside, but always irritating to me.  Some days I am absolutely certain I will change and the coat will fit perfectly but other days I just want to tear it off and put on something baggy, comfy and sweet...metaphorically speaking.

And its not like I don't have healthy, effective coping mechanisms available to me.  I mentioned a link, in an earlier blog, to a really good, short meditation/breathing exercise: http://www.ishausa.org/ishakriya/
It is so helpful and so easy and "works" every time I use it.  I feel stronger, calmer, just more able to face the day.  But sometimes I just want to do what I know best and that is eat.  So fucked up, right?

Well anyway, tomorrow is another day.  I work out with my fantastic trainer Greg.  Shooting for four and a half minutes on the vile stair master tomorrow.  I work with Patrick tomorrow so I will bring back words of wisdom and funny videos from him.

Let me end with two things that did make me happy.  First, my sweet, youngest niece Kelley, wrote a paper about me for school, on the subject of caring.  She said many really sweet things about me that made me cry, but what really got the waterworks going was she mentioned that every year for Christmas, I get her and her 3 siblings an animal from Heifer International, that is then gifted to a family in Africa.  You cannot imagine the teasing and laughter that goes on every Christmas when the kids open up their wrapped up pictures of cows, chicks, pigs and goats.  They think its hysterical and absolutely NEVER listen when I try to deliver my annual State of Poverty in Africa speech.  BUT, apparently they really do listen and appreciate it!  Or at least one of them does.

Second, Patrick handed in an English paper titled, I Love My Gay Nurse (me).  Hysterical.  He refused to let me publish it in the blog, but gay jokes aside, it was a great paper about how people who live outside the box sometimes have more to offer.  Best of all, he ended it with "I'd like to thank my sponsor, the Skittles candy company, for their product, Taste the Rainbow."

The kid is a riot.