Day 6 and HATING it

I think its fair to say the euphoric bubble has burst.

I'm bitchy, crabby, cranky,whining, evil and feeling every bit the bad witch.  My best friend Maria, who has known me forever, says that in my relationship with Renee, Renee is the good witch and I am the bad witch.  She's right.  And today I would love a broom stick.  And a diet coke. And a bowl of buttered popcorn with salt and Parmesan cheese. And PEOPLE magazine.

I was at my mom and dad's house today and since as long as I can remember that has been a trigger to eat.  So I am sedated and can calmly catch whatever they throw my way.  Now its much more bittersweet and I'm sad.  And they are bumping along in their own less than perfect way and who wants to see your daughter come in looking sad, or tearful or crabby, especially when you think you're doing just fine.  So eating makes it easier.  But I did not eat today and I'm not happy about it.  I know I should feel proud, one small step and all that.  But I don't.  Right now, I'm thinking that meeting a goal and soldiering on is completely overrated.

And Patrick man, your everyday is a million times more challenging than this shit.  I know it.  I do have some presence of mind to feel mildly embarrassed about that....but not enough to be even remotely a good sport.  I'm sorry.  Why haven't I ever asked you what you think about and do when you are pissed off about your life circumstances (besides telling me to fuck off)?  Next time I see you I will ask you.

I also just got back from Trader Joe's and Whole Foods to stock up on my healthy food.  I had to ask a lady in the produce section what a leek looked like.  And then they were out of them!!  So I have bags of groceries full of crap I can't even recognize, much less cook.

I'm going to sign off before I totally pollute cyberspace with negativity. A lovely woman who reads my blog sent me a link to a guided meditation.  I am definitely going to check it out and will pass it on.
Right now I'm going to sit down and eat my hummus and cucumber sandwich on whole wheat pita bread.  I hope it helps.  I'm not holding out a lot of hope.

Does anyone know what the carbohydrate content is in a shot of Tequila?