Day 5...Patrick on video...my salvation

I have the weirdest combination of total exhaustion and energy.  I'm not quite sure what to do with that.  Any time I feel energetic, I get a little worried because its such a foreign feeling.  Even talking about it makes me a little nervous, so more on that later.  And just for the record, I am no more fucked up than any of you...I'm just sharing.

Today was day 2 with my trainer Greg.  Renee, (my partner/wife) is already offering to pay his childrens' education because she trusts that I am taking a safe route to fitness.  In the past, I have been just a little bit impulsive and she's glad someone is reigning me in.  Ironically, however, there is no need to reign me in.  This is VERY hard!!!  You know how in your head you always envision yourself at whatever age and size you were feeling the most confident?  And then you just stick with that image because why ruin a great fantasy with reality.  So even though I know I'm fat, I don't ever really think and feel fat.  Believe me when you are in a room wearing capris, a huge tee shirt, surrounded by mirrors, looking like you are going to take your last breath on a fucking stairmaster rather than smiling beatifically at your loved ones, you feel not only fat, but REALLY out of shape.  Longest 30 minutes of my life!!!

Let me say one more thing about Greg that is such a welcome relief.  One of the problems of going into your average gym and being trained by the anorexic 15 year old, is that they are so overwhelmed with the challenge in front of them that they go nuts!  They want you on the treadmill for an hour and then the weights and then another machine...I am not kidding.  And they do not know anything about compensating for a body shape other then a Q tip.  This is a true story.  Many years ago I had joined a gym and was assigned my trainer, who I'm sure had just graduated from high school the day before.  She wanted to "work my core" and had me lie on one of those incline/decline benches.  So basically I am lying upside down with my head near the floor.  Now when you are a large woman, your body follows gravity.  I was being suffocated by my breasts which were being shoved out the way by my belly.  Literally, my breasts were covering up my face.  Not only could I not breathe, I could not see.

Today I was on the recliner bike.  This is where true expertise and skill comes in.  I know something is wrong with the way I'm positioned because when my knees are coming up they keep knocking into my stomach.  So I asked Greg, "Do you think I should move back a little...my belly is in the way".  He walked over and instead of moving my seat back, which would have made it hard for me to reach the pedals, he reclined the back of the seat.  Problem solved!  This may seem like a very small thing to those of you reading. But I am telling you I have been suffocated by my boobs, got my tee shirt stuck on a bike seat so I ricocheted back when I tried to get off, and in general risked serious injury because people did not know what to do with me.  This is why so many overweight people do not want to go to a gym.  Besides feeling embarrassed and self conscious, its dangerous.  Take the time to find an athletic trainer.  The difference is night and day.

Patrick's injury is interesting because while he is not able to voluntarily use his voice, he can use it involuntarily.  This happens most often when he is really laughing. His impulse to laugh causes his diaphragm to contract and push the air out of his lungs hard enough to make it up and over his vocal cords. So you can hear him laugh. Also, for reasons I don't fully understand, he is able to get more  voluntary muscle movement in general when he laughs.  We also discovered early on I was a great source for entertainment.  I'll sing rap songs while doing my very intimidating, bad ass, gangsta rap moves.  I'll do my Zumba exercises.  I'll tell stories from my youth which I think are fascinating and he thinks are hilarious.  The point being that often during physical therapy, his therapist Greg or Stephanie, will yell "Mary Jo, make him laugh!!" and I'm on.  Please don't think for a minute Patrick thinks I'm a gifted comedian or he is laughing with me...he is clearly laughing at me.  Luckily my ego is strong enough to handle a 19 year old.  Plus, not a bad gig spending a lot of your time laughing and getting paid for it!

Today was one of those days.  Greg is saying, "laugh, laugh"!! and I start talking about coming over the finish line on August 26, looking terrific in my bike shorts and sports bra.  Just lost in the vision of my success....he is laughing HYSTERICALLY!  We got a lot of movement out of that one today!

Here's a video to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.  I love this kid!